Being who I want to be, living how I want to live in this crazy town called Hollywood.

Posts tagged “life

Come and Listen to What He’s done

“Come and listen. Come and listen to what He’s done. He has done for me. He has done for you. He has done for us.” -David Crowder

I woke up this morning with this song in my head and heart. I think I might have been humming it in my sleep.  After my morning workout I spent some time being quiet and trying to meditate but I just kept hearing these lyrics in my head.  So I decided to listen to the song on my phone and my entire soul exploded with gratitude to God.  YES he has done great things for me and you and us! Even in our trying times PRAISE GOD FOR HE IS GOOD!  I think why I am so grateful this morning is because in a moment my entire purpose aligned with my entire being.

I dont mean to sound preachy or anything. I have just been reminded what the overarching theme of my life is.  The reason I am fighting so hard to make something of myself in this industry. The reason I pursue my passion. The reason for my music. Even the reason for my blog is this…I want my life to say “COME AND LISTEN TO WHAT HE”S DONE. PRAISE GOD FOR HE IS GOOD.”

I’m not forcing my beliefs or berating anyone with a bible.That is NOT my purpose or intent.  My pursuits say Come AND LISTEN. My accomplishements say COME AND LISTEN. My failures say COME AND LISTEN. My boldness says HE IS GOOD.  My demeanor, my growth, my ambitions say COME AND LISTEN TO WHAT HE’S DONE.

This is my life…COME AND LISTEN TO WHAT HE”S DONE. HE HAS DONE FOR ME. HE HAS DONE FOR YOU. HE HAS DONE FOR US.


Naked and Unashamed – Being nude on film

“Art can never exists without naked beauty displayed.”-William Blake

Growing up I was pretty vocal about my desire to be in entertainment. I wanted to be an actor and a singer…I wanted to do it all.  I would frequently get asked the question, “Would you ever do nudity?” With a self righteous indignation, my answer was always be a resounding “NO!” As a child I thought it was the worst possible thing an actor could do. I had a lot of hang ups human expression back then but as I got older I found myself becoming increasingly comfortable with who I was both internally and externally.  I still couldn’t see myself being naked on film.

“Art can never exist without naked beauty displayed.” -William Blake

About 2 weeks ago I was given the opportunity to appear completely naked on an episode of a new HBO series.  Without hesitation I accepted the job.  Now I would like to say it had nothing to do with the money but, in truth, the money was really good.  However, the biggest reason I said yes was because I realized in that moment that I strongly desired to present my naked self for the sake of art. I have gone streaking and skinny dipping back in high school and college but it was usually under the guise of camaraderie or drunken fun. In recent months I have begun to see myself as ART, not perfectly sculpted or flawless but ART nonetheless and I wanted the opportunity to express this perspective.

I spent most of the night before the shoot unable to sleep. Apprehension and excitement riddled my body. I had a very early call time and when I arrived on set I was quickly given a robe and all my clothing removed. I was whisked away to the makeup trailer where 4 other naked bodies were being oiled and airbrushed.  My makeup artist was a middle aged Hispanic woman who proceeded to disrobe me like she had done it a million times.  Awkward conversation ensued. “You do a lot of nude modeling? Because you should.” As she vigorously rubbed some kind of makeup on my ass and thighs. She moved things around to give my entire body an even skin tone. The whole time I was thinking “what have I gotten myself into.”  After the initial discomfort I realized I wasn’t all that uncomfortable.  In fact I was invigorated.  By shooting time all of my apprehension had dissipated.

“Being naked approaches being revolutionary.” -John Updike

I sat in a chair and in front of me were the camera crew, director and AD, and the lighting guys. The Director yells “DISROBE and ACTION!” The camera pans to me as I sat there in all my naked glory.  I have never felt that kind of liberation in my life.  It took all of me not to laugh because I just felt so free.  Before I knew it the first take was done.  After that I spent the next 6 hours doing different scenes with different angles and lenses.  I was having the time of my life.

Now I am not saying we should run around butt naked in the streets. I do, however, believe our bodies should be celebrated and our nakedness expressed as the art it is.  After all we are the Creator’s workmanship.  At the end of the day, this life is about loving yourself and being comfortable enough to express yourself, flaws and all. I look forward to the next time I get to be naked on film.

“To see you naked is to recall the Earth.” -Frederico Garcia Lorca


Passion-Life’s compass

I’ve been thinking about passion alot recently. Not just my passions but fundamentally what passion means.  I’ve come to the conclusion that passion is more than just a strong (and often flighty) emotion about someone or something. I believe that passion is a measurement…passion measures the distance you are willing to go for the sake of a person, or idea, or occupation,…etc.  Alot of people say they have passions but I find it hard to comprehend that when their lives are defined by sitting around doing absolutely nothing.  Passion evokes vibrancy and movement and direction. Passion may not fuel life but it gives purpose to life.  I get unbelievably frustrated at the realization that we as people have become so passion-less.  It’s like we have been lulled to sleep by shiny things, empty ideas, and our contentment to sit around with other passionless people complaining about how boring and mundane our lives are.  I get angry at myself for trying to stifle passion in my life out of fear of failure or  the disapproval of others.  I never want to live a life where everyday i am just going through the motions, doing what must be done until I can go to sleep and wake up and do it all over again…I want my life to be marked by risk and potency and risky love and vibrant relationships! But more than that I want the art of my life to be passion.

Christ is my passion, but He is more than that…He is the fuel of my life, the driving force behind my passions. Fundamentally His kingdom, His glory is my passion…Every major action I take in my life is for the sake of His glory. Everything flows from that.  Music is my passion because I am created from it. I am born for it.  It is chorus of my thoughts and the birthplace of my dreams. I will go to great lengths and risk things to make music…good music.  My hope is that soon enough you will hear music from me that captures the risk and the uniqueness and commitment that I desire to define me.

With that being said, the studio has been sending me some great tracks and I’ve been doing alot of writing.  I am excited about the direction the music is taking because it is beginning have the sound i hear in my head.  I just have to keep listening and pressing in.  Anyway, this blog has been long enough but I wanted to share a little of my heart with you.  I hope you enjoy my music but more than that I hope you get to live a life with passion! Love you!