Being who I want to be, living how I want to live in this crazy town called Hollywood.


I have been so angry these past couple of weeks. My anger comes from a mix of the Trayvon Martin case, the fact that the large majority didnt give a crap about it, and then being totally blindsided by the racial bigotry, ignorance, and apathy that PLAGUE this country I call home.  Not knowing what to do with my anger I took to Facebook and twitter as my soapbox just to get it out. But it just made me angrier…because I felt like my non black friends just couldnt grasp the brevity of my broken heart….angry because I felt like there was nothing I could do to make the world better.  I hear my friends agree that our world is broken and then add the statement “the only remedy is the gospel”…I agree, however, what good is the gospel if it to is muted by our own self righteous bigotry and cultural exclusivism that is a mainstain, it would seem, in the American church.  But i digress, this post isnt about the church.

I went to a rally today in downtown Los Angeles…I just wanted to do something for Trayvon, for his family, for Justice. What I found there were hundreds of other angry black people trying to figure out what to do. Some had petitions, others wanted to react violently, while others chanted spirituals…I wanted to scream because I felt like I had been transported back to the Civil Rights movement. I kept thinking “Have we really digressed this much that we have to protest for Justice?”  I feel like a bandage of pseudo equality has been cheaply plastered over seriously infectious disease that has been festering for 50 years and the bandage is coming off.  When non white people’s response to racial injustice is “Well black people are racist too” DAMN RIGHT WE ARE!! My racism comes from a place of warranted mistrust. I have spent my life being the only black guy in a sea of white people, or being that black guy who isnt quite “black” enough. I have been the safe black poster child for majority white organizations in their attempt to show their “diversity” I had made it my objective to prove to EVERYONE that we weren’t the less than intellegent, grotesque, unworthy charity cases that they take us for. All the while enduring hateful looks and words of disapproval from every imaginable angle…in my attempt to help make our world a little more…whole. And here we are just as broken as ever…blindly angry on the verge of violence or sitting idle waiting on Jesus to come and right the wrongs we perpetuate.  Sure we have a black president (which shows some progress) but that has seemed to stir up the racial indignation and give people cause to show their bigoted hearts.  I recently read an article about the fans response to the movie ‘Hunger Games” and it was filled with people hatred that 2 of the fans favorite characters were casted as black. People were in an uproar saying to diminished the movies emotional draw because they couldnt feel anything for the blacks. WHAT THE HELL! I mean did MLK die for nothing? Did my forbearers break down racial barriers only to have them built right back up behind them?

I read a letter from Sinead O’Conner and wept as it gave me reprieve from my anger. (FOUND HERE)’Connor.pdf

This letter caused me to look inward for the strength to BE change.  To be reminded that everything that makes me who I am is capable of making a difference. Do I want everyone to sit in a circle and sing kumbaya? Not really. I just want for people to really recognize where we are racially as a nation and take steps to remove ignorance and bigotry out of our hearts and personal lives. I dont know where to go from here or what to do about any of what I feel but I felt it absolutely necessary to write my jumbled thoughts out in an attempt to understand them but also perhaps to cause internal dialogue in others.  If you think you know all you need to know about a culture different than your own, chances are you there is a hell of a lot more you need to know.  If you are one of those people that says ” I have black friends, or my best friend is asian” then I say get more black friends or have 2 asian best friends. Whatever your social situation looks like….just remember HOPE IS YOU!


3 responses

  1. CreativeSheep

    Can’t pull up Sinead link. Please fix.

    March 26, 2012 at 3:59 pm

  2. mykellb

    it wont let me post a link because its a pdf. go here'Connor.pdf

    March 26, 2012 at 4:12 pm



    July 4, 2012 at 11:45 am

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