Those of you who know me well know that I am obsessed with Jesus! The reason is because 10 years ago today something happened to me. I had been living my life as selfishly and foolishly as I could. Giving myself to things that were so destructive to me not only physically but emotionally. My very soul was gasping for something. Plagued by unhappiness and want, I never could seem to accumulate enough “stuff” to sustain any real feeling of joy or peace. The resident assistant in my dorm began hanging out with me and telling me about Jesus and what kind of difference he made is his life. I honestly believed it was a bunch of crap! But the more I hung out with this guy and his friends the more I recognized a difference between my life and theirs…not just the what they did but their attitudes towards life were just very different that my own. I just couldnt believe Jesus had anything to do with it. However, there came a day (10 years ago exactly) when I realized I had run my life in the ground and didnt want to have anything to do with myself. I remembered that people told me that God wanted me with all my screw ups and filth. I found myself wondering why on earth would he want anything to do with my wreck of a life. I didnt want me anymore but for some reason that night I believed for the first time that He did.
I look back on that night and can honestly say the entire course of my life was changed. The old busted up kid I was became and is becoming something new, and beautiful, and worthy of the love of God who spoke existence. Who I have become, who I am becoming is not who i ever expected to be. A man committed to something greater than myself, filled with a love that i find difficult to hold in, gripped by the kind of grace that is mind boggling. He’s got me, I’m his…
I dont expect everyone to understand what I am saying here but just know that who I am and who I will be is directly connected to the wondrous truth that when I didnt want myself, God in Jesus Christ pursued me and loved me so much it makes me love my self any all those around me. I know all this may sound esoteric but I dont really know how else to express my heart on this day.
Well I love you guys and gals because I have been loved so well!